feelings II

The cat seems exhausted. She fell out of the window. Or maybe she jumped. And landed on a rooftop of the sorts. I couldn’t figure out where she was for quite a while. Looked beneath every car around the block. And then I took her down on a partly broken wooden ladder that the cleaning lady had found lying around. Had to hold her by her collar. I think it was quite traumatizing.

I am suffering from some kind of peculiar tears obstruction. Cry constipation. I can’t cry. No word…? Melancholia. Interestingly enough, the inability to cry is associated with the inability to feel. A hypothesis I could definitely argue against. But it goes on to be very poetic. Beyond sadness. Beautiful imagery of white horses melting down in fields of grass in a slow-motion apocalypse. But further on they say “emotional blunting has always, and correctly, been considered a sign of chronic psychotic illness”. Given that I can take apart the base association between not being able to cry and not being able to feel, I can relax about schizophrenia. There’s another argument if one wants to hold the inability to feel. A difference between the twilight of feelings and that of reality. It seems like the start of a long discussion. But yes, I expect schizophrenia would be excessively prolific, while melancholia would be excessively dry.

Yes. The most worrying is the hypothesis that thought and conscience are only possible in life. And life is rooted in a materiality that has become embarrassing – as one would expect. Unfair, as so many have noticed, with the reiteration of privilege and unequal power relations. I do wonder what the reason is. All places that represent a fundamental condition will become fiercely contested and a subject of (fight for) domination? Or something particular to how we relate to material and non-material functions? There is definitely a dynamics, to the extent that it might actually appear as though the contested territory is the non-material and not the material one- as the privilege is in fact the access to non-materiality, made possible by the ready provision for material needs.

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